I haven't been motivated to post lately. I keep thinking that in the last years I haven't grown as a writer, haven't accomplished much. I'm not sure if this is true, as I've been focused on my novel, and there wasn't the almost immediate gratification of flash fiction (both writing it, submitting, and getting pieces accepted.) I'm re-reading my novel and making more changes.
This time I'm finally distant enough from my writing, and I'm able to actually read it, rather than simply remember it. I think I've done a really good job with it. (Is this normal to be impressed with one's own writing?)This might sound like I'm contradicting my first paragraph here, but I still feel that I could've written this very same novel three years ago, hence the issue of "growing." Is it really happening? Silently and invisibly? Or am I stagnating? I simply don't know. Only time will show.
Another issue that has been bothering me is this: What if in my efforts to remain positive about my writing and not to get too affected by rejections, I'm creating an illusion that my writing is better than it actually is? How do I find the right balance? I started this post to shout about my new / old piece in Night Train, and ended up whining about my lack of progress. This is the story with the words penis and vagina in the opening lines. How's that for a hook? I wrote it 3 years ago, when we just arrived to Iqaluit. Read it here!
Ania,
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about not knowing if we are growing as a writer. But, lately, I really think a book is a bad marker to judge the current state of your talent. I think the book reflects the state you were in when you STARTED to write it. Because, that's the point when you make some major decisions, and often times, those decisions can't be changed without making it into a different book. My book still has the problems that I faced five years ago, even though I know I've grown as a writer. But, I think my next book will reflect where I am now, and then I'll be able to compare the two.
That's a good attitude, Davin. Thaks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteIt could well mean that this novel is the one. I wrote a book about two years ago, and it looks to me now like something from the dumpster of training camp 101. There are different ways of growing. Some are clear, other opaque - and the nearer the top you get, the gentler the curve.
ReplyDeleteThat's a scary thought. I'm sure in two years I'll know. Thanks for stopping by, Frank!
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